Finally, brethren, whatever is true…” Philippians 4:8
There it was in bright red letters across my forehead…FAILURE. It was written in the same bright red ink that the teachers use each day to correct my attempts at writing in my new language.
Of course, no one else could see the letters written there, but I felt the weight of them on me each day as I struggled to make my mouth form words it was unaccustomed to.
Those feelings of failure trickle down into other areas of my life, and I start to believe more lies. You’re not a good mom. You don’t do enough. Others do it better. Then I find myself just going through the motions of each day like it is a race to get through. I realize the importance of “finishing”—knowing the language of my host country—and it frustrates me to not be able to communicate at a deeper level. Though it has been eight months of language study already, my ability to put together sentences remains difficult.
I would love to tell you that I’m at the end of this journey and share all that God has taught me, but you have caught me in the middle. Even writing about it brings up the raw emotions of failure… again. To face going to class each day, to be corrected over and over (in the kindest of ways), still wears me down.
“But God…” How I love these sweet words sprinkled throughout the Bible. But God has other plans for me, plans to draw me closer to Him through this journey. As I make time to be in his Word, He replaces the lies with these truths. You are my child. My love for you is not based on what you do. I will lead you beside still waters. And these bring a smile to my face—a smile that’s the same in any language.
Loved this. I am well-acquainted with failure, in more than one area of my life. It has been heart-breaking at times to mourn the loss of a cherished dream. Thanks Deb for this much-needed reality check. His strength is made perfect in our weakness. He is our Lord and our Shepherd. And our Daddy.
Thanks so much friend for your encouragement….His strength is perfect.
Debbie thank you for sharing your heart. I think most of us women feel this way when faced with new challenges. I can only think that it is God’s way of showing us the importance of communication. Imagine how all the people from the various tribes and nations feel when they try to understand what we are saying to them! I know you will succeed and your efforts will be greatly blessed. Love and miss you!
Thanks Tracy! Miss you and everyone at home. Thanks for your thoughts…it makes me feel less alone. 🙂
Debbie…..this was very well said. Thank you! It so hits home for me as I am the mom of missionaries and as they learn this new language, I strangely feel less than. I could never learn a new language, I AM LESS THAN!!!You reminded me of who I am in Christ’s eyes…..He loves me…just the way I am and if He sets it before me I could do it..as His smile of delight shines on me. Ludmilla Haskell
🙂 Thanks so much for understanding…it is daily that I need to remember who I am in Him and being in His word. Your daughter is a dear friend to me and thankful to be serving with her and her family.
Praying for you almost every day.
🙂 Thanks friend…sure do miss you all.
Very thoughtful post, Debbie. I, too, love those words, “But God” … Miss you tons!
Thanks Jenny 🙂 Writing came at a good time for me to process all that is going on and remind me where my mind should be. Abiding in Him. Miss you
Thank you for your honesty. Keep finding your hope in Him, as you work to bring hope to others. Blessings!
Thanks Alicia for your comment and encouragement. It is a journey and thankful that He can be trusted 🙂
Thank you for sharing that beautiful message
Love & Hugs, Mom & Dad
🙂 My biggest fans….thanks Mom and Dad …love and miss you. xx oo
Thanks Debbie, those words (but God) have encouraged me on many times. As I’m sure they will continue to do so as other tests arise.
Love hearing from you Linda…I know the Lord has led you down many roads that have been difficult. Thanks for your testimony. Miss you.
This was really good! So honest and heartfelt. I have been there so many times myself, believing the lies of the enemy. It encourages me to know others travel the same road and I am not alone in my struggles. God is so good and always brings us through as we turn to Him. Love you:)